Breaking: Biberty still has no visible legs Experts confirm: "Biberty" is not a word Sources say furball sheds on company property Emu reportedly "fine, totally fine" Asked for comment, Biberty asks what the question says Leaked photo: Biberty gets autograph, asks "what does it say?" Polls show 0% of Americans can describe what Biberty is Breaking: Biberty still has no visible legs Experts confirm: "Biberty" is not a word Sources say furball sheds on company property Emu reportedly "fine, totally fine" Asked for comment, Biberty asks what the question says Leaked photo: Biberty gets autograph, asks "what does it say?" Polls show 0% of Americans can describe what Biberty is
A message from LiMu Emu for Governor

He's fuzzy.
He's yellow.
He's trustworthy.

Liberty Biberty showed up out of nowhere with no legs, no résumé and a name that started as a mispronunciation. Now he wants to be in charge of your car insurance. Before you say yes, read the record.

See the Evidence Keep It Emu
Exhibits A through F

The record he doesn't want you to read

We went through the files. Here's what we found, lint and all.

FILE NO. 001

Where are his legs?

Biberty has never been photographed with legs that are clearly visible. Investigators have only seen "feet." Feet attached to absolutely nothing. What is under the fuzz?

UNANSWERED
FILE NO. 002

His name is a typo

"Biberty" started as a 2019 commercial flub. Our candidate didn't just make a mistake. He is the mistake.

CONFIRMED
FILE NO. 003

Zero miles run

The emu has kept pace with moving cars on the highway. Biberty's documented top speed: a gentle roll downhill. He'll never chase down your claim.

SLOW
FILE NO. 004

The shedding problem

Sources describe yellow fluff on every couch, conference table and claims adjuster in the building. Who's paying for the lint rollers? You are.

ALLEGED
FILE NO. 005

No species on file

Is he a bird? A pom-pom? An escaped tennis ball? The paperwork just says "yellow, probably". America deserves a mascot with a known taxonomy.

UNKNOWN
FILE NO. 006

He just showed up

No primary. No debate. No emu was consulted. One day it was just "here's the furball now." The people and the birds never got a vote.

SUSPICIOUS
Close-up of a yellow furball with blue eyes staring blankly at a handwritten autograph on a napkin
EXHIBIT G · Subject receives an autograph, cannot read it
Exhibit G · Literacy

Liberty Biberty can't even read!

This photo was taken on set. The commercial guy, the man whose mispronunciation gave Biberty his entire name, was kind enough to sign him an autograph.

Biberty looked down at it for a long time. Then he asked: "What does it say?"

Look at the eyes. That's not a furball deep in thought. That's a furball who just realized everyone heard him ask.

He wants to read your policy. He can't read a napkin.

Side by side

Compare the candidates

One of them has two legs, a long neck and a work ethic. The other one is a ball.

The EmuBiberty
LegsTwo. Long, powerful, verified.Unclear. Under investigation.
ExperienceYears in the field, plus one buddy named Doug.Had a career as a pronunciation error.
Top speedUp to about 30 mphDepends on the slope
SpeciesDromaius novaehollandiae"Fuzz (yellow)"
Can see over a dashboardYesOnly if you stack him on a phone book
Leaves fur on your seatsNoConstantly
Name is spelled rightYesBy definition, no
Truth-o-meter

We fact-checked the fuzz

Biberty's supporters have been making claims. Our independent panel of three emus and a guy who owns a lint roller looked at each one.

Claim
"Biberty is joining the team, not replacing anybody."
That's what they all say
Claim
"He's cute."
Cute isn't a policy
Claim
"Biberty will read the fine print for you."
He can't read the big print
Claim
"People will get used to him."
Not in this household
Real people. Probably.

America is speaking up

"I watched a commercial and didn't see the emu once. I had to lie down."

— Viewer, Ohio

"My cat saw Biberty on TV and hasn't trusted me since. Who is responsible for that?"

— Cat owner, Arizona

"He looks like a tennis ball that got a marketing budget."

— Retired tennis coach, Florida
—

Days since the furball showed up uninvited

The Platform

Why LiMu Emu for Governor

Experience. Speed. Literacy. Here's what the emu brings to the governor's office:

  1. Gets there fast. Runs at highway speed. Your claim gets handled before Biberty finishes rolling out of bed.
  2. Can read. Signs, napkins, autographs, the whole thing. Never once asked "what does it say?"
  3. Stands on two legs. Both visible, both on the record.
  4. Doesn't shed. Your couch, your car and the governor's mansion stay fuzz-free.
  5. Already has a running mate. Doug has been by the emu's side for years. Biberty showed up alone.